You come home from a long day of school. You are tired, stressed and all you want is to be left alone in peace. However, you have to deal with your roommates that you just wish you could get rid of in a blink of an eye.
I know how you feel.
I have had my fair share of running into some not so great roommates that I never thought I could cope with. But looking back, I think these situations are life lessons that you just eventually have to deal with. My parents did not teach me how to deal with bad roommates. I guess they assumed that if they taught me how to be polite, well behaved and so on this would come naturally. NOT TRUE AT ALL. And I think many people do not learn about coping with horrible roommates until they actually run into them.
I know you do not want to deal with these people after a long day. But when you have no choice because of a lease agreement or do not have the resources to move out here are some ways that I have found personally to help me remain calm and sane 😛 during those stressful times. College in America is stressful enough but trust me you can get through this. If I can, you can. Here are 3 ways to approach this tricky subject:
- Confront: I know this sounds like something you might want to put off until the very end but remember people are not telepathic. Your roommates cannot read your mind. You need to say what it is that is bothering you or else they will continue. Sometimes people do not realize that what they are doing is wrong. We all grew up with different backgrounds, culture and values. Something that is right in their culture might be a big NO in your culture. When you confront and have the conversation with your roommate please, do this face to face and in a loving way. Watch the tone of your voice. Be kind, be gentle and remember you do not want more drama by the end of this confrontation.Whatever the issue is, just talk like you are going to talk to your grandparents; calm, gentle, respectful and say how you feel. Use the word “I” more and avoid using the word “you.” Studies show that when you are confronting someone e.g: “YOU did this YOU did that YOU blah blah blah” most likely they are going to be defensive. Why? Because this is our natural reaction when we are in a state of fear; we defend ourselves. So try to use the word “I” in the conversation. Own how you feel and let them know that you are upset.
- Change your routine: If your confrontation fails to give you the outcome that you desired do not worry here is Plan B :). When I had my confrontation with my roommates it was so awful that they victimized themselves instead of giving me a sincere apology. I mean come on! All I said was to clean up after themselves and they would give me a million reasons why they could not clean their own dishes and had to leave them for several days. Yuck. I got so frustrated and there was no solution at all so I decided to change my routine around their schedule. I know this is unfair but you have to make the best out of the situation. I already had a feel of my roommates schedule and I realized what times they got back home, when they left to school/work etc… I had no choice but to plan my days based on their schedule so I could avoid seeing them. It worked well for me. By having less contact I did not have to see them and deal with them. It is frustrating because you pay the rent to enjoy the amenities and your space but when you cannot reason with these people you do not have an much of an option.
- Leave, get out ASAP: Know the law of your state. Is it month to month lease? 1 year lease? Be very careful when you sign your lease agreement because it means you are responsible for any payment if you break it. In the state of CA if you are renting month to month it is the law for you to give your landlord a 30 day notice. But make sure you check, I am not an expert or a lawyer. Make a plan to get out, follow the terms of your lease and make the transition to your new place peacefully. Even if you hated your roommate, leave on a good note. Be the bigger person.
You do not to want to be remembered as that crazy person that left with short notice and did not say goodbye to your roommates right?
Exit with class. It is hard but you can do it. I am so grateful till’ this day to have a wonderful soul sister Natasha Adamo that reminds me everyday to be the bigger person even it is it unfair, injust and hard to do.
Having a bad roommate is awful. The pain and the stress that comes with it can sometimes be unbearable. But I got through it and I am doing just fine 🙂
This is my last weekend with my sister and father. I am spending more time with them before they head back to Vietnam.
Are there any topics you would like me to cover for next week’s blog post?
Comment down below! I would love to hear your feedback.
It has been my pleasure to write this blog post.
Bisous and a big hug to you all.