It was nice to take a break from school, blogging and social media in general. I became frustrated that I was stuck in the same routine, let alone be in America for so long. I needed to go somewhere new and inspiring to feel young again. I felt like being LA too long made me lose my interest in things that I used to love like: photography, reading and making collages. While, I love Los Angeles for school/work and opportunities related to my field, there is no charm here unfortunately. Sometimes, I even begin questioning if I should move back to New York but I haven’t given LA a chance yet so it’s not fair for me to assume that the grass is greener on the other side 😉
I went to France a few months ago with my sister and we had so much fun. It was definitely worth it. I came back feeling more refreshed and ready to create more content. Did you guys like the photos we took in France? I hired a photographer and we had a blast making memories together. So how do I even begin, with summing up how much change has happened over the last few months?
I think that’s how we all feel when change is overwhelming. There are no words to describe it.
I also feel very lost in terms of where to start after I graduate next year. I’m terrified. I always go to bed at night thinking will I ever be able to fulfill my dreams and live the life that I always envisioned for myself? It’s scary. And no amount of meditation or breathing exercises can stop me from wondering. I’m also in a different place right now in my life as me and my boyfriend are no longer together. I feel extremely sad but I know that these are the years for me to grow and focus on myself. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and even in the most darkest times, things often can be a blessing in disguise.
In addition to all of that, I moved to a brand new apartment and my living room is finally done. I spent months on the West Elm website carefully browsing and selecting furniture to make my home feel cozy and warm. Furniture is ridiculously expensive and I did not want to buy anything unnecessary since I might be moving again next year.
I’m also taking classes I love at LMU. Ethics and Law! 🙂 and I’m just glad that I’ll be done and ready to graduate next May. All of these changes are great and I’m happy that I always strive to work hard and focus on being my highest self in every way possible. But, sometimes all of these big changes leave me feeling overwhelmed and drained.
I have days where I feel like I am not good enough, insecure and feel like giving up. I’ve even contemplated about dropping out of LMU because I was just so sick of the environment and just wanted to be somewhere else where I could find more genuine people who shared the same values like me. But I came so far in my college journey and that’s what stops me from being negative and just pushing through.
With all these new changes, I started reading Paramahansa Yogananda. I highly recommend him if you are into spiritual and self-realization things. I always smile and feel better after I read his quotes and teachings. You can learn more about him here.
I recommend doing his guided meditations which you can find here on Youtube. The visuals are so powerful and really resonate with me.
Everything in life is temporary.
I never really understood this saying but last Friday I think the universe gave me a good lesson. I had done all my research about this place and scheduled to get a facial done. But, when I left the place you would not believe how badly my face turned out. Even my younger sister was in shock 🙁 she could not recognize me.
I came home and just bursted into tears. My face had such a bad reaction. It was swollen, irritated and burning. I thought it was going to scar and I was so upset because I spent so much time and money getting my clear skin only to have it ruined by one facial. I was devastated and thought to myself: “Why now? Why me?!”
One week has passed and thank god that none of this is permanent. My skin has some discoloration and my dermatologist said this issue can be fixed. WHEW.
THANK GOD NOTHING WAS PERMANENT. But this situation made me think a lot. Even though I spent a lot of time, money and years trying to get my skin to be perfect, I could never make it last forever. Skin ages. That’s just how it is. No matter how much expensive creams, masks, microneedling treatments and lasers I get done, (sure it can make my skin look good temporarily) it won’t last forever.
Accepting that change is inevitable in all aspects of life: school, home, family, beauty, weight, skin, hair, etc.. is the first thing you need to do for yourself so you can be on your journey to healing gracefully.
The bad facial I had last week just helped me realized that change happens everywhere. Not just big things in life but it could be our face, body, hair, skin. As a perfectionist I find it hard to accept change because I like to be in control of things and I hate feeling uncertain of the future.
But, step by step each day I learn how to embrace the unknown and really just have faith that everything is in God’s hand or a higher being or my spiritual path.
I read this in Oprah Winfrey’s “What I know for Sure” book and she said something that I will never forget: “Isn’t it amazing that there is something more grand than us? That there is something metaphysically, spiritually, bigger than us?” And when I think about that, it makes me feel relieved and powerful. When I feel like my problems are the biggest thing in the world and that my worries are so burdensome, I think about this quote and it puts everything in perspective. When I read this quote it just makes me realize that whatever is going on in my life, there is always some higher purpose and meaning behind it.
I hope the next time when you are faced with a challenge, a problem, or a dilemma in your life just think about this quote and shift your energy and attention to creating positive things from your situation.
Here are some of my favorite quotes that help me deal with change in life and in myself.
1. Everything will be okay.
I promise you, you and I will be okay.
2. Be kind and gentle to yourself.
We are always taught to be kind to others but true happiness lies in being kind and respectful to ourselves. When you feel like you don’t have friends, you can be your own best friend, mother, ally, sister to yourself. You have that power in you. Do not rely on others to give you happiness. You can do that yourself. And just to be clear happiness is not material things. Those things are temporary and depreciate over time. There will always be a brand new car, handbag, product that will make you happy temporarily. But, it is foolish to depend on them forever. Happiness is within yourself. If you haven’t found it- then you haven’t spent enough time being alone. Find happiness in solitude. 🙂
3. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes.
A smile on my face on social media does not mean I am always happy. I have bad days. I cry. I feel insecure. I feel like I am not enough. I am human. And because of these emotions I know when to stick up for myself and take the time I need to heal. Be strong enough to know when you need time to heal and focus on yourself. Don’t ever feel afraid and bad for not making time for x, y, z when you are trying to heal.
4. Always be kind and gracious to everyone even when you are hurting inside.
I always hold myself to the highest standard and I offer the same amount of respect even to those who do not reciprocate it back. This isn’t about being the “bigger person” this is called humanity. Even those who are not kind back to you, always have dignity and treat them with the same amount of respect because that is what we humans should be about.
5. Never let a bad situation define your present or future.
I used to let one problem or one person ruin my entire day. I even contemplated about skipping certain events so I could just avoid them. But that just hurts me at the end. Go on with your routine. Never let fear stop you from doing what you have to do. Never let a setback determine your future. I’ve had a lot of setbacks the past few months but that did not stop me from going after what I want. Before I go to sleep, I do is visualization. During the toughest times I always spend at least a good 5 minutes with my airpods on and listen to a song that motivates me and just close my eyes and think of the feeling, look, whatever it is that I want to achieve. This is very powerful. You should try it 🙂
6. “He who dies with the most toys is still dead” – Oprah Winfrey What I know for Sure
At the end of the day we are all human. We are born on to this earth for a purpose. With social media always highlighting people’s success, how rich people are, what car they have and etc….they still die at the end. I know that sounds depressing but what I like about this quote is that no matter how much money you have, you cannot base your entire happiness and attach your self worth on to material things. It is foolish to do so.
You are enough. You don’t need to go broke to look rich to impress others.
Live for yourself. Do not live for others. I’ve gone through this in the past and it taught me a great lesson. I used to buy certain trendy things that I really hated but I did it in order to fit in. Now, I no longer feel the need to do this because I am happy with who I am, and the woman I am becoming.
Know that you are enough. That you my friend, have everything in front of you to achieve your goals.
I believe in you 🙂
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your ready to read my blog post. It means the world to me.
Sending you so much love and happiness from LA
Hugs and kisses.