A year ago when COVID hit, most of my Vietnamese friends and relatives went back to Vietnam. “America is not safe anymore, my future is in Vietnam” they said.

“I just feel like America is not for me. In Vietnam you have clubs, cafe, fun nightlife and your friends and family are there. Why stay in America when life is so much cheaper there?”

I could not agree more.

Every time I heard these comments, it made me feel bad that I continued to stay in America. I felt sad that I was missing out on spending time with my family and friends back home. Seeing my friends post photos of Vietnam, the food, the fun social events on Instagram made me really want to buy a ticket home.

Vietnam did such an amazing job controlling COVID so things are back to normal, you can read here to find out more.

I thought to myself “well, how bad would it be to go home, spend time with family, do my online classes, and just live life like a normal person?” It sounded alluring and tempting but my gut was telling me no. I just had a feeling if I came back home with my parents, I would resort to the life I had before I came to America. I would not be able to grow and be challenged.

That is why I continued to remain in America despite so many people telling me to return home.

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Last year, I was hardly productive and I did not accomplish everything I set out to do. 2020 was suppose to be the year where I made even more progress and hit all my goals. But it turned out to be the opposite. That was hard for me to accept & adjust, because I am the type of person who loves to try to control everything. And this was the first time in my life where I could not control everything. It was impossible.

Watching the news was draining. I just could not handle the stress and anxiety of living alone under a pandemic. All of this was foreign to me. I thought that after everything I went through in the past, I could overcome this pandemic situation. I thought to myself: well if I could survive breakups, dropping out of college, moving to a whole different country and my family going through financial hardship, I could at least push through the pandemic. I was wrong.

Online school was difficult 🙁 I was doing my senior thesis online and that was a challenge. It was also a sad realization that my dream of graduating and walking on the stage would not come true.

But those hard days taught me a very great lesson that I needed to learn.

“Your problems don’t go away, it’s just how you deal with the bad days, how you manage it and how you push through is what matters most.”

After being stuck in a rut for so many months, I decided that enough was enough. I am done complaining. Eckhart Tolle said “wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it or accept it totally.”

For me, I was not able to remove myself from the situation and fly back home to Vietnam. Flights were only allowed for Vietnamese Citizen, which I am, but there was a lengthy process to obtain a flight ticket, which I could not be bothered to do. I thought it would be inconvenient to wait for the embassy, fly 19 hours and quarantine for 14 days, all just to get back home. I felt that staying in my apartment and continuing my online school would be the best option. I would also be in the same time zone for my classes. There was no way, I was going back to Vietnam to do my LMU online classes! Could you imagine me waking up at 1am-4am for classes? No thank you 😛

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New video on my youtube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_h9welB9Pw&t=589s

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Disclaimer: The following post is my personal experience that should be taken as information, and not personal medical advice.

About three years ago, I decided to stop taking the hormonal birth control I’d been on for 2 years. The birth control I took was called Diane 35 which was prescribed by my doctor in Vietnam.

The reason I decided to go on the birth control was because I was in a serious relationship and I did not want to risk getting pregnant. Also another reason, was because my dermatologist told me it would help clear my hormonal acne.

Prior to taking the pill, I was using Nexplanon which is an implant they put in your arm. The nexplanon is different than the pill because you do not need to remember to take it everyday since it is practically in your arm! Sounds scary, I know but it does not hurt.

Those are the only two type of birth control I have used. For this blog post I am focusing primarily on the pill.

Pros

  • Flawless skin
  • Regulated Periods

Cons

  • Water Retention
  • Retaining a lot of water around hips, thighs, arms and even face
  • Feeling sluggish, fat and tender around breast
  • Weight gain
  • Irritable mood
  • Depressed
  • Unmotivated to do anything
  • Lost interest in many things

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Hello everyone,

Over the past few years, my blog has been a platform for me to share with you all my experience of studying abroad in Los Angeles and how I adjusted to living in America. I shared with you all my challenges, my fears as well as how I overcame any obstacles that I faced as a Vietnamese living in America.

But today, I guess I’m ready to share with you all my truest, deepest and most vulnerable feelings.

I am not sure why I put this off so long, but I guess the reason why I never wanted to do a blog post like this was because I was scared of being judged. I also thought writing something like my “Saturday night thoughts” would be a boring blog post that people would just laugh at…Anyways, after debating whether I should write this or not, I decided to go for it!

My blog can be anything I want it to be and I guess I am just sick and tired  of holding myself back and giving into that negative voice in my head thinking that nothing I do is good enough. I’m done with it.

So here we go! Welcome to Catherine Ha’s vulnerable side 🙂

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