Do you care what other people think of you?
Do you sometimes wonder what the person right next to you might think of you? Or even the stranger you just walked past by?
We all do.
But to a certain extent.
For me, caring what others thought of me consumed me for most of my life.
I grew up with a very well known figure and that person happens to be my mother. I get compared a lot to her and you can imagine how frustrating it can be when people don’t recognize you for who you are and your accomplishments.
And it doesn’t help when your mom works in an industry that praises looking good 24/7.
So you could imagine how sad and insecure I felt when standing next to her at movie premieres or events…
That sort of comparison ruined my self esteem. It really hurt me when people would say things like: “Oh you’re not even as pretty as her” or “how come your mother is so pretty and you’re so fat?” I was a big kid growing up. Tall, chubby and socially awkward. I was taller than the rest of the guys in my class but who doesn’t look like sh*t when they’re going through puberty? But after that awkward puberty phase in my life…luckily miracles did happen to me! Haha!
In the past I cared so much to the point that it costed my health and sanity.
- I cared about how I look and would buy unnecessary materialistic items keep up with my so-called friends
- I cared about what a stranger right next to me might think of me as I am lined up to buy pizza and junk food (true story)
- I cared about what people might think of me if I gained weight
- I cared about winning my dad’s approval for being the best and perfect daughter. I even went into real estate so we could both have something in common to talk about but afterwards I quit because it didn’t make me happy…
All of this caring was so unnecessary and vicious just because I wanted to feel validated. I wanted to be the kid that was cool, the chosen one, the it girl that everyone would talk about and make my mom feel proud of me but all it did was make me more miserable inside.
It was not long ago when I moved to LA and finally got my own apartment. This space gave me a lot of time to deal with myself, my inner problems and allowed me to focus on ME. And because of that I am so grateful and enjoy living alone and learned to enjoy my own company even more. I knew all the self-help books in the world + pinterest motivation quotes would only do so little for me so I sought help from my close friend who I am lucky to call as my sister up to this day.
This person was with me from the start when I moved to California from New York. She was always there for me when I went through tough times and was the only person that gave me endless support and believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.
I just want to acknowledge her because I’m really not sure how my blog and all of this could have happened if it wasn’t for her. Just writing all of that made me tear up because I don’t think many people realize what a dark time it was for me when I dropped out of college in New York and had to start from the beginning again. I didn’t have my parents full support when I went back to school in California. In some ways it felt like both of my parents gave up on me. And that was just hard for me to process. Anyways that can be another blog post for another day.
Back to the topic 😉
Caring too much or not caring at all is bad. There should be a medium. I think in some ways it is good to care because it allows people and society to grow.
I’m going to share with you all one of my favorite movie scenes just because it perfectly depicts what I’m trying to say.
Remember the scene in Batman when Bruce Wayne attempts to climb out of the prison aka the pit but keeps getting stuck? Then after so many failed attempts he finally got out?
The prison is an invention of your own mind.
Yes it is! Read it again and let it simmer in your head. Do you get it now?
When people make negative comments about you and you believe it, it can almost feel like you’re trapped in your own thoughts and can’t get out.
I used to be so obsessed with what 1 person thought of me that I changed everything about myself to impress that 1 person.
Please learn from me and never do that to yourself.
Just because 1 person doesn’t like what you’re doing doesn’t mean you should change your entire self.
Keep going, fight for what you want, know what makes YOU happy and know when to ADVOCATE for yourself. I know this is easier said than done but as time passes and you get older I guarantee you it will get easier.
And if you don’t believe me, well I am living proof of it. Just an example, I would not be sharing with you all my fitness, bodybuilding journey if I let my mom’s criticism get to me. My mom is not supportive at all that I lift weights and thinks it’s too macho, masculine and considers it, I quote an “inappropriate hobby” for me.
Hahaha! Whatever at the end of the day it makes me happy. I love her but I know what works best for me.
So if Batman got out of the prison, you CAN get out of your prison of thoughts.
You can get over the fear of judgement and start living your life.
So how do you stop caring what others think of you and not let it bother you?
#1 Realize the why and disengage.
Nietzche said: “If you know the why, you can live any how.”
WHY is it that you care?
Do you feel inadequate? Do you feel like you’re not enough? Because I promise you if you feel enough and know what you are and what you are not. You would not give a damn what others think of you.
Caring what people think of you is a reflection of your self-esteem. And self-esteem takes time to build and grow especially if you had low self-esteem growing up.
Now, I’m not going to throw a bunch of “love y0urself, you are enough, you are beautiful” quotes just because that does nothing. I believe in hard work and only you can do it. You have to put in the hard work in order to get results.
Your self-esteem CAN improve if you commit and put the time and energy into improving yourself. No one else can fix your problems.
I am no expert on self-esteem. I can only share with you my experiences and how I handle it.
For me, self-esteem is more than just body image, it’s how I carry myself, my sense of character, the values that I have, it’s how I see myself in society, my status whether it be financially, emotionally and physically. It really depends on how you define self esteem.
Once I realized the why, I was more honest with myself and started doing everything within my power to better myself and become the woman that I always wanted to be.
What helped me with my self-esteem was the gym. It is the BEST THERAPY. It is the one thing I look forward to after a long day of school.
I cannot describe the awesome, amazing and powerful feeling when I lift weights. I know when I look my best, I feel my best and that helps me with my overall self-esteem. This in turn makes me less concerned with what others think of me because I know I work very hard to better myself and if others can’t see that well fck them 😉
Obviously this isn’t a one size fit all approach and you need to know what works for you.
#2 Realize this not a quick overnight fix.
You’re not going to wake up tomorrow and be immune to what other people think of you. This takes time. LIKE A LOT OF TIME. LIKE YEARS.
It took me years and you know what I am still struggling with it everyday. I have my moments when I do let other people’s comment get to me but there is a difference. This time I know when to stop with negative thoughts and take action.
#3 Realize that other people care more about themselves than you.
I read this the other day: “A study done by the National Science Foundation claims that people have, on average, 50,000 plus thoughts a day. This means that even if someone thought about us ten times in one day, it’s only 0.02% of their overall daily thoughts.”
See. People only care about themselves. And you know what when people make negative comments about you, it really is a true reflection of their self-esteem and their internal problems.
I think it’s important to say what you mean but not say it in a mean way.
I hope this post helps in anyway! I’ve been really happy lately because I just got my fraxel treatment for the second time and my face is glowing. Also got plenty of sleep and being lazy during Easter Break :p
I love you all and thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog post.
And I’m super excited to get my butt back to the gym because this fraxel face took longer to recover! Just because this time the Nurse went on a higher setting.
Hope I don’t scare my friends tomorrow when I go to my 8am class haha.
Goodnight from L.A